Anger Taming A Powerful Emotion
Author: Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman is an outstanding teacher of things like communication and relationship skills. If you’ve read my review of The 5 Love Languages,t you may already be familiar with that fact. This book was a great one for me because I have definitely gotten myself into some trouble when it comes to dealing with anger. I’ve never been very good at it. If you or someone you know has issues like that as well, check this one out.
Anger Is Not One Emotion
It’s a mixture of emotions, ones that involve both the body and the mind. It’s also not exactly a choice either. Nobody ever thinks to themselves, “I am going to be angry today.” Anger is a response to outside stressors. Usually, it comes out of feelings such as embarrassment or disappointment. Chapman makes an observation that anger is the exact opposite of love. Love draws you to a person, whereas anger sets you against them. I think it’s important that Chapman mentions all of this in the very beginning of the book because I believe it’s best to understand what anger is and how it works before you can try to concur it.
5 Steps to Dealing With Anger in the Moment
The next time you find yourself experiencing anger, try going through each of these steps before you do anything else.
- Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Take a step back and realize what you are feeling.
- Restrain your immediate response. Don’t act impulsively. I’ve learned first hand that it never really works out in your favor to do so.
- Figure out the source of your anger. Why exactly are you feeling this way? I’ve learned that this can be pretty tricky, actually. You may think the source of your anger is stemming from one thing, but if you really think deep down as to what the root is, it could be something totally different.
- Think about your options.
- Be constructive about what you do next. Lashing out is never the best idea.
Distorted Anger vs. Definitive Anger
Yes, there are different kinds of anger. Definitive anger is experienced when genuine wrongdoing takes place. Good examples include when a friend blows you off for dinner or your significant other promises to do the dishes, but when you come home from work they’re still piled in the sink. Distorted anger, on the other hand, doesn’t come from any sort of wrongdoing. This type of anger comes from ourselves, more or less. An example would be when someone shows up late because they got caught in construction traffic and there was no way around it, or when your electricity goes out because the thunderstorm is so bad. Things like this that make you angry just because they are inconveniences would be considered distorted anger.
As I said before, anyone who has a tough time dealing with anger can learn a lot from this book. It is highly recommended by me. It’s taught me a few new ways to handle myself and I’m sure it can/will do the same for you.